*It’s new-ish! And, you know, debatably improved, depending on what you thought of the first one.
Whatever, guys, what I’m saying is: It’s totally a game now! A total game! You can download it today, and play with all your friends. Or your enemies. Or your cats. I don’t know. Live your own life, people.
I FUCKING SQUEALED
WHY HAVEN’T I SEEN THIS BEFORE
I need to play it SO BADLY
the guardian imagines what historical figures might look like today. my personal favourite is shakespeare, reincarnated as a shoreditch hipster.
but can you imagine how’d he’d sound a loft party?
“I’m going to subvert the whole, like, narrative ideal by telling you upfront that these two, like, teenagers are going to fall in love and die, and then do it. So there’s no more hiding in the words. Stark, yeah? And then, I think I’ll hide a sonnet in their big scene together, right? It’ll be subversive, because only, you know, people who are up on sonnets will get it…..what? No, she’s thirteen—a little edgy but that’s art, man. Art.”
No, but can you imagine the degree of fan boy Tom’s Shakespeare obsession would become if Shakespeare was actually alive today
Newton Geiszler: hermann??? nah what a nerd— [trips] [hundreds of thousands of photos of hermann gottlieb spill out of jacket] w-what a fuckign i these arent mine im just [gathering them up frantically sweating] listen i just listen fuck [thousands of pictures of hermann scatter across the floor] shit fcuk im holding them for a friend just listen
okay, we’ve all seen this post but i remembered it wrong and was like, “haha, imagine winter soldier about to destroy a hydra facility when he finds a gaggle of steves”
:’) it’s cute crack but the longer you think about it the more unsettling it is. the winter soldier doesn’t know anything about child care.
"You kids look like a guy I know."
"Yeah. I tried to kill him a few times, but he’s a slippery bastard."
"Who are you?" The boy demanded.
He didn’t quite know how to respond — Pierce had said called him hope, the others called him the asset, the man on the helicarrier called him Bucky, the Smithsonian exhibit showed a man called James, and the HYDRA files he’s found called him Winter Soldier. It was all so confusing and agitating. So he said nothing, and just stared at the gaggle of frail blond kids in this room.
The boy decided to take initiative. “I’m S1. I’m the oldest.” He then gestured around the room. “There’s S2 holding S7, S6 and 8 are in the crib, and S3, 4, and 5 are the ones in the library” It was a small corner with a single bookshelf, but S1 looked quite proud. “We’re failed HYDRA experiments.” S1 cocked his head and examined him, then nodded with surprising gravitas for an eight-year-old. “You’re a failed HYDRA experiment, too.”
He considered this and found it to be true, so he nodded. “My code name was Winter Soldier.”
"Mr. Winter! Pleased to make your acquaintance!" S1 squared his shoulders and stuck out his hand stiffly. Winter looked at the hand, pretty sure he’s not supposed to break it, but not sure of what else to do with it. "Aw, I did it wrong, didn’t I?" S1 looked sheepish and retracted his hand to run it nervously through his hair. "I read that that’s how you greet new people."
"Hey, Winter!" S2 walked over with S7 still in his arms. His unnaturally flushed face managed make him look indignant and sickly at the same time. "If you’re not planning to kill us in the next while, you mind getting some meds down from that tall cupboard for me? They’re in the blue bottles. Usually our handler gets it for us, but you kind of killed him."
As Winter went over to fetch the pills, S1 and S2 started arguing about whether to ration food for dinner. For once, the arguing wasn’t about him, no one was telling him who he should be, and no one said anything about missions or resets. Just handshakes, books, and tall cupboards. For the first time since the Potomac mission, Winter felt unagitated. Maybe if he was indeed a failed experiment, he can stay with these other failures. It didn’t seem so bad.
lbr the Steves would probably take care of the Winter Soldier. They still have Steve’s tactician brain and sense of justice. And they’d just accept him in a way that maybe real Steve would have difficulty doing. Especially since the older Steves have probably been looking after the whole gaggle for a while now. What’s one more confused ex-assassin?
“You fool. No man can kill me.”
How many times am I allowed to reblog this before it gets weird?
Fun facts: Tolkien constructed this scene because he came out of Macbeth thinking that Shakespeare had missed a golden opportunity with the ”Be bloody, bold, and resolute; laugh to scorn the power of man, for none of woman born shall harm Macbeth” prophecy
Being letdown by Macbeth is apparently a significant factor in Tolkien’s writing because the Ent/Huorn attack on Isengard was the result of his disappointment that the whole “til Birnam Wood come to Dunsinane” thing was just some dudes holding sticks and not actual ambulatory trees.
so he basically took his favorite shakespeare headcanons and put them into his AU fic
This revelation just knocked me over.
LET ME TELL YOU A THING ABOUT JOHN RONALD REUEL TOLKIEN. BACK THE FUCK UP SIT THE FUCK DOWN YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING YOU’RE FUCKING JON SNOW HERE. LET ME TELL U A THING
JONNY T WAS LITERALLY THE BIGGEST FANBOY TO EVER WALK THE EARTH. LITERALLY THIS FUCKIN NERD WENT INTO WORLD WAR ONE AND WROTE NORSEFIC EDDA FANFIC IN THE TRENCHES AND SENT IT TO ALL HIS FRIENDS WHO WERE PRESUMABLY LIKE “JOHN WHAT THE FUCK”
BUT IT DOESN’T END THERE
HIS WIFE? MADE HER AND HIMSELF INTO SELF-INSERT OCS IN SAID FIC. ALSO MADE HIMSELF A TOTAL TYR SELF INSERT CHARACTER. ALL VERY DRAMATIC. KEPT WRITING THIS FIC UNTIL IT WAS HUGE. AFTER HE DIED HIS SON PUBLISHED IT AND CALLED IT THE SILMARILLION. JRR YOU FUCKIN NERD
WAIT I’M NOT FUCKING DONE YET. TREEBEARD? BASED THE WAY HE TALKED OF HIS OLD FRIEND JACK WHO YOU ALL MIGHT KNOW AS CS LEWIS. THAT’S RIGHT. THAT NARNIA MOTHERFUCKER. WROTE HIM INTO LORD OF THE RINGS AKA THE SEQUEL TO THE SEQUEL OF HIS ORIGINAL FANFIC MASTERPIECE. CS LEWIS FUCKING HATED LORD OF THE RINGS. TOLKIEN FUCKING HATED NARNIA. BASICALLY THEY STARTED THE OXFORD PROFESSOR LIVEJOURNAL CLUB AND THEY FLAMED EACH OTHER’S SHIT RELENTLESSLY YET REMAINED BFFS
SHELOB? FUCKING TARANTULA BIT J-TIDDY ON THE FOOT WHEN HE WAS LIKE 3. WROTE IT INTO LORD OF THE RINGS.
HIS AUNT’S HOUSE? NAMED BAG END. YEAH YOU GUESSED IT WROTE IT INTO LORD OF THE RINGS
THIS FUCKING DORKUS SUPREME MADE UP HIS OWN LANGUAGE. WAIT NO IM WRONG. HE MADE UP LIKE 80 LANGUAGES AND DIALECTS AND ALPHABETS AND SHIT
BEST PART OF ALL?? HIS OWN LAST NAME, TOLKIEN, WAS DERIVED FROM THE GERMAN “TOLKHUN” MEANING “FOOLHARDY”. DOES THAT RING A BELL TO ANYONE FAMILIAR TO LORD OF THE RINGS??? BECAUSE YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT PEREGRIN “PIPPIN” TOOK’S LIKE FUCKING CATCHPHRASE WAS “FOOL OF A TOOK”. TOLKIEN FIC’D HIS OWN FAMILIAL LINGUISTIC HISTORY INTO HIS WORK WHAT A DWEEB
IN 2008 HE RANKED 6TH ON A LIST OF THE TOP 50 BRITISH WRITERS SINCE 1945. HE WAS A PROFESSOR OF LANGUAGES AND OTHER IMPORTANT STUFFY SHIT AT OXFORD
AND JRR TOLKIEN WAS THE BIGGEST DWEEB EVER TO LIVE